These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm really busy with my period
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