I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
