it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
