I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize