This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I want her autograph on my taint
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
