I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
