It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
