..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize