my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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