She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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