We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So many bounce houses so little time
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
