you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
