turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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