I just pynch a tree in the face
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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