literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also, beer. Big fan.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
