How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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