Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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