I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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