Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
