Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
