that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
