If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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