who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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