I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize