I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
