glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
