I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
