More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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