the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
there is glitter all over my balls
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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