I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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