She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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