He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize