ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
