ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
