Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize