just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
