lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
