ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
