Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
