I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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