Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize