I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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