last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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