I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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