I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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