hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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