Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize