wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
