What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
