I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
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