Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize