I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
