Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
