I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
