thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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