Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize