Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
