Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
