Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
