Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
