Don't you send me to vm
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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