and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
