These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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