Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
two words: eviction party
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
