the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
